I look back on my life and I wonder how much time I've spent waiting in line at midnight releases and how much time I've presided over midnight releases and I am elated. I wonder if maybe that's the wrong feeling. Should I feel shame for all of the time wasted? Maybe I should feel guilt for the money I have spent on all of these limited edition games I just had to buy on release morning. I'm not sure if I am being selfish or if maybe I should move on to more important things. I mean, I'm where I've wanted to be since I played Super Mario Bros. on Christmas day in 1986. I may not have realized where I wanted to be as I sat there excitedly clutching my controller, experimenting with the best way to hold this device that, while it was so foreign to me then, would soon become almost an extension of my will, extending into this new electronic fantasy world allowing me to take control where previously I had little.
So, being as how video games are what brought me here, is it wrong that I still cling to them? Maybe I still crave the control and the fantasy. Maybe this part of my life I am experiencing now isn't what I'd hoped and I still crave the fantastical and the magical. Maybe I have spent so much of my life steeped in fantasy that I've become a junky and I need to find some sort of video game methadone clinic to help me break my addiction? I could be looking at this too closely. This could be me trying to form justifications where the simple answer of, "I just like playing video games," would suffice. After all, who do I really have to answer to? Ultimately, who am I accountable to other than myself? If I am happy spending time and money playing games, do I need another reason?
I feel like these are all good questions for me to contemplate, but I'm about to start patching, which means my game will be finished installing soon and then I'll start playing and my questions will disappear. Maybe not completely, but they will certainly disappear until the next midnight launch I go to and realize how much more tired I am than the last midnight launch I went to.